a small think piece on why danes never fail (non-complimentary)
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I was vmsing with a new friend whose field of research is about goal-setting and how to deal with failures. Fascinating!! As I am currently working on a larger piece about dealing with life's vast expressions of endings, my mind started brewing on how failing one's goals can be considered one. Since this guy moved to Denmark to do his research, I asked him if scandinavian culture was a factor in their interest in this field, and he (a lecturer), very lecturer-esque turned in on me, and asked me: as a Dane, how do you think danish culture plays into the was in which failures are dealt with? An idea popped into mind, and I argued my case. This is my case.
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This is my little silly theory on Danish people that Danes don't fail. :)
Before you raise your eyebrow, this is not because Danes are better at things, ew no. On the contrary, what I think is that Danes rarely find themselves in positions where they deal with failure head-on. Let me explain.
For one, there is Janteloven in Denmark, which has a lot of influence on the ways we deal with success, and so, would make sense that it carries into failure, right? This is the social law to keep you in your place, judgmentally in check, which means, make sure you don’t try to reach for more than you deserve - og make sure that you know, that you don’t deserve more than anyone else. It keeps danish people from boasting about their successes, it can actually make danish people quite ashamed of their successes, because they don’t feel like they deserve it. And so, I think that tends to keep Danes from taking big risks, because there’s not much social capital or pride to gather from it, and it goes against a collectivist mindset of equality, and so the willingness to risk failure isn’t as high in Denmark as a result. In many ways, it’s actually the ‘good enough’ life that is valued higher than the successful life, and being content with what you have is quite honorable. A thing you might see in Denmark, if you ever visit anyone that’s super rich, often you won’t be able to it in the way they decorate their house, people don’t wanna drive big bling cars, seeming just ordinary is the ideal. And that is not a very risky goal to have. At the same time, it might not stop danes from going for success and so taking risks, but they just don’t really talk about it.
Which leads me to my second point of my theory which is the way in which Danes understand privacy and politeness, which I also think has an impact on the amount of failures that Danes are willing to expose themselves to. The most polite thing you can do in Denmark, is to let someone be. Don’t disturb or bother them, don’t look at them or talk unnecessarily to them, don’t sit next to them in the bus, especially don’t ask if they need help – only if you specifically say “let me know if you need help” and then the polite thing the other person says is “ah thank you i will” and then never reach out. Again, this very non-confrontational, passive mode of being, I think it tends to keep Danes hidden away in safety a lot. This is probably my bias as a therapist, but the small social confrontations that lead to expressed rejection is a great teacher for learning to deal with the greater failures you can experience in life, and I don’t think a lot of danish people are willing to go there, because they don’t trust that they can manage it, because they haven’t had enough experience with it. Danish people don’t ask each other out on date or try to impress each other, and people say it’s because we’re playin too cool, but I think it’s because people are just really scared of failing. And my last point is that, perhaps people haven’t had to experience failure as much either, because you are generally quite safe and healthy in Denmark in many aspects of life - whether you take chances or just play it safe. So why bother?